She went from zero to smokin in five shots
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
