she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
