I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
