he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
