my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
