I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
