She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
