The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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