Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
