it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
