Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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