need another drink. this is the easiest way
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
