OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
