Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
