You're my little dorito
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize