Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
