He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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