You're my little dorito
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
