Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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