i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
love makes seman taste better
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We're too hungover to prance.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize