I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A+ Viking dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
