I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
