We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
