Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
