ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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