Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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