he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
