she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
