i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sober January is a disaster.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
