I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
