I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
