Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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