he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
