Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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