someone threw a dead crab at me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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