soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
