i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
