Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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