She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
