i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
