You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
