If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
