is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
