I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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