He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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