Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
