3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
