My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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