I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
