it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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