i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
