I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
