It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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