So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
