did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
