Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ok first of all what the fuck
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
