So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
