So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
wow bdsm is so cute
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize