rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
