You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
