I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
