My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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