lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
