It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
