I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
