i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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